kneecapped

Some clever, or not so clever, person has devised the following rules for September.

RULES FOR SEPTEMBER

*List of Rules (Read and print them)*

1. From 7 Sept to 29 Sept 2007, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is
going on regarding the AFL Final Series, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this,
then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the AFL Final Series, the television is mine, the VCR and DVD are all mine, at all times, without any
exceptions. If you even take a glimpse at the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and
without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because
if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during AFL Finals month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out
of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell
from the second floor….it won’t happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to
nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return,
you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, it’s only a
game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love
you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about footy than me and your so called “words of encouragement”
will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the
commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game,
hence do not use the AFL Final Series as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.

8. The replays are very important I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again.
Many times, and record them.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my
attendance because: a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily footy highlights show on TV is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying
“but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be:
“Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.

12.And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank goodness the AFL Finals is only once a year”.
I am immune to these words because after this comes the 2008 AFL Finals Series etc.

13. Do not complain that my new beard is “scratchy” or makes me “look like a caveman”. Showing my support for
my team by growing a beard is more important to me than our relationship. If you don’t love my team as much as me,
then that makes me sad, and you should leave. Quietly and during the ads if possible.

Thank you for your cooperation.